Journey into Darkness 6/9

Work,lunch with the hubby and lil one at JJ juice, back to work, therapy (for ole’ crazy), pedicure, watering the flowers and plants with the kids, dinner, snuggles. All in all, it was a pretty good day. I have escaped the darkness.   I am not flying to the heavens, nor am I crashing to the hells, but I am reaching higher. I am creative, I am strong, maybe a little too strong. When you get the label, suddenly your not sure if your good day is really a manic day on the verge. I’m optimistic…it’s a good day.

Journey into Darkness 6/6

I slept great last night, aside from my 4 year old who snuck into bed and then peed on my leg. YUCK. Gotta love her. She did say sorry in her groggy and soggy mind as we cleaned up the soppy mess. Emotionally, I am feeling better. A bit more level with just a bit of edgy and a dab of why bother. My snarky sarcasm is back, which is great for me and scary for the rest of the world. I get to sleep in tomorrow, which is a small slice of heaven. Amen! Another day, relatively untouched by crazy.

Schizo

Smarter, faster, quicker, with a little something to offer, but nobody to offer it to? Knowing that you got something to give, far beyond what you are currently being allowed to give.  Creative juices having been stored up for years, just waiting to flow from your soul, mind, heart, mouth, pen. They can’t find a release though, there are too many. Where to start, where to end. Who to tell? What to say? Fear holding your tongue, freezing your brain, racing your heart. Will they be able to handle the words that haunt your mind? Can you express, appeal, reveal. Oh my God, to let all the world in and to let the control go. The fear, the fear, the fear. Can’t lose control, because if I do, you and you and you and you will devour me as you see my weakness. I must stay strong, and smart and most of all in control of me and me and me and oh yes, me. There are so many of me, that they fight, battle, arm themsevles to revolt and win a revolution against my control…but they can’t because I will be devoured, if I let you and you and you in. Even those that love you will consume you and use you and take you and toss you to the side of the road, like a rabid rodent that means nothing…expect to the God that made it. I am only vulnerable to one, the one, the Alpha, the Omega, the all, the end all, my beginning and certainly my end. My end, the end, to end, where will it end, when will it end. The end.