Over the Bridge

The hot sun, felt as though it was dripping from the skies, and into my freshly washed Jetta, as I sped down the 101 freeway. The freeway was wide open, which should have been an omen to me that something was about to go wrong. The heat, was that dry desert heat, that feels as if you are breathing in fire.  The sky was the color of my daughters eyes, the blue that looks through you, into your deepest places. I remember looking at the sky and thinking of her eyes, which forced me to glance into my rear view mirror.

Lalie’s blond ringlets, the color of cotton, blowing in the wind and often sticking to her perfect cherry stained lips. She was only six, but had already had her share of being slapped by the world. It somehow made her quieter then I wanted her to be. She took her small ivory fingers, and pulled the tendrils, that were matted to her lips, as the wind blew fiery through the windows. When I glanced at her, I felt such a tug of my heart. It wasn’t her job, but she was my saviour, and every-time I looked at her, my heart wept.

I brought my attention back to the road, and as I was moving down the fast lane, I caught a human out of the peripheral of my eye.  My mind raced, realizing that there was a woman, running across the freeway toward my car.  Should I speed up, do I slow down, swerve left, slam on the breaks? How do I stop this unimaginable nightmare from transpiring?!  I panicked thinking of Lalie, in the back seat. Was she aware? Did she see the woman too? How much of this blood bath was she about to see? I didn’t see anyway out, but I had to find a way. The woman was now in the lane right next to my car. All I could do, was swerve into the lane she was running out of as she ran into my lane. My only chance was to miss her and I just swerved, not knowing if there were a car in that lane, not knowing anything. Just knowing, that it couldn’t happen.

Oh, Oh my God! I couldn’t miss her, I tried, but the left side of my car clipped her as she was running toward the median. I sobbed as she flew up, my window cracked and Lalie was silent. What did she see? What did she hear, as the women bounced, until she didn’t.  Time was moving so fast, yet seemed to stop as I moved along the freeway  because my brain was stuck. I couldn’t think, move, breath. I was hyperventilating and then….I slammed on my breaks and pulled over the car. I jumped out and turned and looked at Lalie and told her to stay there.

Cars, were pulled over as people ran to the crumpled woman on the side of the road.  Someone had ran to me and held me and hugged me as I sobbed. I stared at the woman, not knowing was she alive or had I taken her life and changed mine forever? I tried to gather my thoughts, as the cops arrived, wondering how this could have happened. Why did this happen, when a few feet behind her, there was a walkway? I stared at the freeway walkway, as my stomach churned and violently released all my pain, sorrow and fear. 

An accident, a suicide, I will never know, but when I took that woman’s life…she also took a part of mine.